This Part of Me Feels Heard

At the end of a Focusing session recently, the Focuser said, “This part of me feels heard”.



And that is one of the ways that Focusing differs from other interactions. Things within us are often pleased to be heard – to have said something aloud, saying it to a companion without needing to interpret or comment, and to be heard without being judged. These are all exceptional aspects of Focusing. And neither the Focuser nor the Listener needs to interpret or comment for the relief to occur, and for something to change.

When we are heard, sometimes that is all that needs to happen. We pay attention to something inside us, get to know it better, and acknowledge that this is how it is right now. It might change – in the next months, days, weeks, or minutes even – this is how it is right now. We are not trying to change it, or do anything about it, we are just curious if it does change.

On this occasion the Focuser was reaching into something that he felt and at first he couldn’t put into words. Then, gradually, the words came. They surprised him, and yet they didn’t surprise him. Deep down he knew what was emerging, and he hadn’t ever listened to it before. Memories came – recent and far back. Memories joined with other memories, making links that were at first surprising, then making sense.

All I did was to listen with my full attention, and repeat back to him some of the things he said. Hearing it back he sometimes changed what he’d said at first, hearing that the words he used at first didn’t quite ‘get it’.

The relief at acknowledging and voicing all of this was clear in his voice. It also enabled him to look at the initial circumstances differently, to change how he might respond to this situation, with the other person, another time.

Many of us find it easier to respond to other people’s wants and needs, rather than paying attention to our own. When we do so in a non-judgemental, compassionate way – just as we would for a dear friend – it feels good for us to hear ourself. It feels good for this part of us to be heard.

2 replies
    • Carolann Samuels
      Carolann Samuels says:

      Thank you Emily. I am so pleased you agreed that I could include it, as you made this topic so very clear.
      Warm wishes to you

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